Things I Hate

Posted by on Mar 7, 2013 in Complaints, Silly | 0 comments

Things I Hate

Everyone’s got their pet peeves. Here are some of mine.


Flakes

If you’re not going to do something that’s been planned with someone else, fine. Let them ahead of time so that they can make other arrangements. If you give the tiniest shit about someone, show an ounce of respect for their time.


People who talk during movies

This is a movie theater. We paid to come here and enjoy the THX surround sound. Everyone else is quiet. Have some courtesy and shut your mouth.


Ringtones that could wake the dead

Come on, people. Turn them down a bit. Everyone in the room/building/country doesn’t need to know that you are receiving a call.


Groups of people who walk side-by-side on a busy sidewalk or in a busy hallway

This is not so much a problem when you are walking toward them, as they can see you, and only the most dickish people will stay in your way. It’s worse when you’re behind them, naturally in a hurry, and you can’t get past.

Come on, people. Take a look at the width of the thoroughfare and the width of your group and have some consideration.


Being ignored

If I ask you something, answer it if you can. If you can’t answer it, tell me that. If you’ll get back to me later, tell me that. If I’m being an asshole, tell me that. Just show me the tiniest amount of respect with some sort of response. Any response.

Being ignored sends a message: You are utterly worthless to me.


Sending an email with three questions and having only one of them answered

Ugh. Is it hard to answer multiple questions?

What’s the solution to this? Should I send three emails with one question each? Or send one email with one question and wait for answer before sending the next one?


Jaywalking in front of my moving car

I have no problem with people darting across the street between blocks or even when they have a “Don’t Walk” signal. I do it, too. But when I need to slow down or stop so that they can cross the street, it almost makes me want to speed up.


Cutting/pushing in line

How can someone do this and think it won’t piss other people off?

I was in Panera Bread one day in the middle of a long line of customers. A gentlemen came up from behind us and, as soon as there was a customer change and a cashier was available, jumped up to the counter. Boiling, in a loud, scary voice, I said, “Excuse me, there’s a line here.”

In a loud, annoyed voice, he replied, “She told me to come up and get a to-go cup for my drink”. Whoops.


Being admitted into a crowded club and being told by a bouncer that I can’t stand where I’m standing

Sometimes, there is nowhere else to stand. When I ask the bouncer where I should go, they say “I don’t know, but you can’t stay here.”


When you ask someone to do something for you, they offer to do it, and then they ask you to remind them to do it

The thing here is that they’ve offered to do something for you. Seems silly that you then have to ask them again. They’re not really being as helpful as they could be.


Low speaking volume

I get that some people have soft voices, or sometimes there is a lot of ambient noise. But if someone is talking to you in near-silence and you still can’t hear them, there is a problem.

Sometimes, you might politely ask them to speak up, with no results. This is when a face punch is appropriate.


People who scream when they talk

Yes, the other extreme. Doesn’t matter if you’re standing right next to them, they’ll speak like you’re in the next county.

These people also usually spit when they talk. If I have to wear riot gear to have a conversation with you, tone it down.


Black and white thinking

I’m a logical person, and I love breaking things down into their simplest elements. It’s amazing how many things really can be broken down into one of two extremes. But it doesn’t work with everything. Politics, relationships, and jobs are complicated systems with human emotions attached, and expecting absolutes is asking for trouble.

I might even argue that it is the careful navigation through the gray areas of life that play a big role in how happy and successful we are.


People with bad breath

If you spend any amount of time with someone, it’s obvious whether or not they brush regularly. Someone with periodontal disease will stop you in your tracks.

If you don’t care about your oral hygiene, that’s fine. But consider the people who have to smell your rotten mouth gas.


Overly chatty waiters

I came for food, and I might be in a hurry. Or maybe I’m with an old friend and we’re catching up or I’m having an emotional conversation with a partner. In just about every case, I don’t want to stop everything and divert my attention for your silly courtesies, to hear you tell me that you’re going to introduce yourself and that you’ll be taking care of me today, or to hear you go through sections of the menu that I have no interest in. Let me ask the questions.


Rude drivers

Leave the fast lane open for those who are in a hurry. Use the turn signal, and THEN apply the brakes. Be fair when it’s time to merge. Please.

A sense of entitlement has killed the pleasures of communal driving. If they want to get in your lane, they’ll get in whether or not it’s convenient for you. The little wave you used to get from the car in front of you when you did something nice is long gone because people no longer ask for road. They take road.


SUVs in parking spaces labeled for compact cars

Really? You might as well put a little note that says “Fuck you” on every other car in the parking lot. Worse is when you see them swing their door open and hit your car.

Even worse is the asshole who takes two spots for his (yes, I bet it’s a male 90% of the time) fancy car. If your car is that nice, keep it in your climate-controlled garage on a giant velvet pillow.


Bad customer service

The #1 goal of a business is to make money. Unfortunately, some businesses don’t feel that good customer service is required to reach that goal.

Take my issue with American Airlines, for example. They lost my bags and then proved to be totally incompetent in retrieving them and compensating me for my inconvenience.

Then there’s the jacket I bought at Westco in Perth, Australia that fell apart the first day I wore it. When I went back to the store a few days later on a cold, blustery day, the salesgirl refused to accept the return because I was wearing the jacket. Since it had been worn, she claimed, she could not take it back. How can a jacket break UNLESS it has been worn, I wonder? That shitty jacket is still hanging in my closet.

And there was the time that my T-Mobile cell phone stopped receiving calls. I could MAKE calls just fine, so I wasn’t fully aware of the issue for over a month. After the headache of getting their technical support to fix the problem, T-Mobile offered to give me 50% refund on the previous month since, according to them, my phone was 50% useable during the time period in question. Well yes, I suppose that’s correct. But would anyone really ever spend half price for a phone that could make calls but not receive them? No.

When you encounter bad customer service, the easy solution is to spend your money elsewhere. If enough people do this, the business suffers. In a rare case of retail justice, American Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in November 2011.


Rush hour traffic

Here’s a great idea for civilization. Put America’s entire workforce into gas-burning vehicles twice a day at the exact same time.


Multiple phone numbers

So if I want to reach you, I should try your cell or your work cell or your home or your work phone? No. Don’t inconvenience others with your multiple phone numbers. If you have some weird reception issue with your cell phone or don’t have one at all, sort out your life with new cell phone service or a free Google Voice number so that you can give people one number to reach you at.

And it works the other way, too. What’s with all the online forms with spaces for cell phone numbers, home phone numbers, work phone numbers?

Let’s simplify, people. It’s 2013.


Long outgoing voicemail messages

Yes, I know that the number I just dialed (yes, let me hear it again in slow motion) is not available, and I know that I can hang up after I leave my message. How many millions of dollars of extra usage is this costing the consumers of the world?

Can I hit “1” or “#” to skip this? No. I have to pay AT&T/Verizon/T-Mobile/Sprint for the privilege of listening to it.


One-way corporate e-mails

If you’re a company, and you’ve just sent me an e-mail, I should be able to e-mail you back. It’s not fair that you can communicate with me by clicking a button and then hiding behind a no-reply e-mail address, when I have to spend who knows how long navigating computerized menus, sitting on hold, and struggling to understand someone who likely doesn’t speak English very well to communicate with you.


Contrived acronyms and bacronyms

The government and NASA are fond of these. The USA PATRIOT Act is the Uniting (and) Strengthening America (by) Providing Appropriate Tools Required (to) Intercept (and) Obstruct Terrorism. Space agencies seem particularly bent on doing this. There’s ARIES (Australian Resource Information and Environment Satellite), ARTEMIS (Advanced Relay TEchnology MISsion), and the European Space Agency has JUICE (Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer).

No, it’s not clever.


Arrogance

Might be at the top of my list.

ar·ro·gance
noun \ˈer-ə-gən(t)s, ˈa-rə-\
: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/arrogance

ar·ro·gance
[ar-uh-guhns]
noun
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/arrogance

Nobody likes an arrogant prick, but I have a deep, visceral reaction to them. When forced to engage them in conversation, it makes my blood boil.


A bad sense of humor

When people don’t laugh at your clever remarks, take note. Realize that you’re not funny and that you might be even annoying.


Inside jokes that are not understood by everyone present

That’s just rude.


Managementspeak (or corporatespeak)

I don’t know exactly where in the professional ranks it happens, but sooner or later, people start twisting the English language in strange ways when they communicate in the workplace.

They choose to “speak to” things rather than “speak about” them. They’ll use a website form to “search against” something rather than “search for” something. The deadline for the project is TBD, but probably COB or maybe even EOD. And there are always “opportunities”, which mean that they think something really sucks.

And here’s a site that will make you feel like you’re sitting in a work meeting.


Attractive people who never develop a personality

Years of Loveline made it clear to me: In America, from a very young age, extremely attractive women are provided for in a way that stunts the normal development of a personality. Constantly overwhelmed with attention, they never have to learn how to meet or entertain others.

How many extremely attractive women do you know who are smart? Funny? If they’re either, I bet they weren’t born here.

The same phenomenon exists with attractive guys, but I bet the effect is not quite as extreme.


Girls who expect you to pay for everything all the time

See above.


The expression “Wait for it…”

No, it doesn’t make it funnier.


The expression “‘Nuff said.”

It’s often used by people who are trying to be funny and feel important. In most cases, there is quite a bit more that needs to be said.


The expression “It is what it is.”

Oh really? What isn’t?


The expression “as of yet”

Extra words waste my life.


People who “could care less” or “could give two shits”

That means you care, genius.


Grammar/punctuation Nazis

It’s OK to be a stickler, but make sure you are correct when you get up someone’s ass for how they used quotation marks.


Missing serial commas

Without them, lists can be confusing to read. Use the serial comma. Always. Grammar Girl says it best:

Here’s a sentence that could mean different things with and without the final comma:

“Rebecca was proud of her new muffin recipes: blueberry, peanut butter and chocolate chip and coconut.”

Without a serial comma, you can’t be sure whether the last recipe is a combination of peanut butter and chocolate chip or a combination of chocolate chip and coconut.

Another case where leaving the comma out can be confusing is when the later items in the list can describe an earlier item. An oft-cited example is the made-up book dedication:

“To my parents, Ayn Rand and God.”

A reasonable reader would assume there are four entities being thanked: mom, dad, Ayn Rand, and God; but without the serial comma you could also conclude that the two parents are Ayn Rand and God. A serial comma clears up any confusion:

“To my parents, Ayn Rand, and God.”
http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/serial-comma.aspx

Oh, APA style says we should not use it? Then APA style is dumb.


Irrational patriotism

OK, so you like America. That’s great. But don’t get all pissed off and defensive when you can’t articulate why you like it so much. And don’t threaten to beat my ass when I say that the Statue of Liberty is built like a softball player. (Yes, it happened.)


People who say “don’t judge”

Why not? Everyone is the same? More people should judge more often, I think.


People you have a conversation with who never actually agree with anything you say

When you make a point, they will go on to make another point, often tangential and irrelevant to the point of discussion. Does skipping by your point mean that they are agreeing with you or disagreeing with you? It’s OK, agreeing with you does not show weakness.


People who make everything dramatic

You know the type. They had to spend an extra few minutes in line to buy groceries/vote/get a new driver’s license/take a shit, and they can’t get over the injustice of it all. It’s going to snow, and the extra time driving into work/getting batteries/shoveling snow/putting on boots is going to throw off their schedule for a year.

These people need to spend a year in an African village or an Indian slum and see what real problems look like.


Police officers with attitude problems

The dick quotient is probably higher in law enforcement than in any other field. I’ve encountered one in my life who treated me respectfully. The one who cited me for public urination was particularly dickish.


Dishonesty

Nobody likes a liar.


Greed/entitlement

Gimme, gimme, gimme. I need this, I need that. Too many people will take as much as they can as often as they can, whether or not it’s fair or they deserve it. Whether in a restaurant or retail environment or mooching off the government, they’ll fabricate complaints to get something for free.

Is this an American epidemic, or is it international?


Virtual relationships replacing real relationships

Facebook and Twitter have their uses, but people have become way too comfortable maintaining superficial relationships with them and isolating themselves. People don’t really connect with each other in a healthy, meaningful way anymore. Society is fucked.


Rebates that are a pain in the ass

It’s a good pitch in the store, but when you get home and read all the fine print, you have to spend an hour filling out forms and cutting up boxes. Then you have to drop it in a mailbox and hope that it gets delivered to the right place on time. Then you have to mark a date on your calender eight weeks out so that you know when to start complaining when you haven’t received your rebate check. Then you put your head through a wall when you complain to customer service and they don’t respond.

Shouldn’t there be an easier, electronic way to do this?


FM radio

If your angle is “fresh music” or “the newest hits”, don’t be playing some shitty-ass Goo Goo Dolls song from 1998. I don’t need to hear the same twelve songs in rotation. I don’t need to be yelled at by your DJs. I don’t need to be reminded which station I’m listening to every five minutes. Pro tip for advertisers: If your commercial is not obnoxious, it will stand out from the rest.


Over-bassy, over-enunciating, repetitive, sensationalist radio hosts

You’re neither smart nor funny. You’re just annoying. And every FM radio station seems to have a job for you.

I guess they’re appealing to a certain demographic. Just not sure what that demographic is.


TV

Reality television is ruining humanity.


Sportscasters gratuitously saying “National Football League” or “National Hockey League”

Spoken by insecure or untalented sportscasters. It’s an attempt to sound more authoritative and a chance to say more words so that they have more time to think about what they’re going to say next. A good sportscaster would never utter the full name of whatever league they happen to be calling games for.

Imagine if I was describing a new product by International Business Machines or telling you about my day at work with the American Association of Retired Persons. Obnoxious.


TV commercials that are three times louder than the movie you are trying to watch

If I have to keep reaching for the remote every time we go to commercial, you’re going to lose me as a viewer.


Deceptive advertising

The Big Mac never looks that good. The Wendy’s cashier is never that good-looking. Tech support never speaks English that eloquently and cheerfully. Customer service is never smiling when they talk to you.


Rude wrong numbers

Someone who has already inconvenienced you by wrongly dialing your number will then rudely hang up on you without saying anything. Love it.


Not getting a thank you letter

I spent $150 for the crappy toaster oven on your wedding registry. The least you can do is spend three minutes showing your appreciation.


Waiting forever at the bar for an overpriced drink

I’ve already paid a cover charge. Now I have to force my way to the bar like a salmon, park between other people who are usually more aggressive and always more sweaty, beg for you to mix me a watered down rum and coke, and then give you $12 plus a tip for it. Sure.


Little dogs that don’t stop barking

Shut the fuck up.


People who are always happy

The thing is, people aren’t always happy. The fact that they are acting like they are means that they aren’t allowing you to see who they really are. That makes me nervous.


People who don’t know the difference between generalizing and stereotyping

If I say that most X are like this, it’s OK. Keep your pants on. There’s nothing wrong with commenting on a trend.

If I say that ALL X are ALWAYS like this, that’s bad. Take your pants off.


Bathroom doors that you have to touch

After washing up, the last thing I want to do is handle a door that has handled everyone else’s business. Get a paper towel, right? Well if you’ve got those old school dispensers that require you to crank them for paper towels, that kind of defeats the purpose.

Why can’t all bathroom doors just open outward? A little push with my shoulder and the whole experience would save me a considerable amount of grief.


Trash cans that you have to touch

You have something you need to throw away, and there’s some sort of weird, springy door on top the trash can that you have to force open. You try to force it open with the trash that you are holding, but that never works because the springs are too tight. So you HAVE to use your hands. Really? Are we TRYING to spread disease here?


Elevator doors that take forever to close

You’ll stand there for what seems like an eternity waiting for the doors to close. Finally, they begin to move in slow-motion.

Without fail, someone will swing around the corner and try to make it into the elevator before it closes. You don’t want this to happen, because it means that you will have to spend another eternity waiting for the doors to open and then close again. In this situation, I will often hit the DOOR CLOSE button repeatedly, which to them looks like I am trying to hit the DOOR OPEN button. As the doors close, I do the “Sorry” thing with my shoulders.


People who ask you to hold the elevator and then only go up/down one floor

Come on.


People you work with on a daily basis but avoid eye contact with you when you walk by them in the hallway

OK, maybe they just hate me. Or maybe I closed the elevator doors on them.


People who don’t respond when you say “Hey, how are ya?”

Maybe they hate me, too.


Folding a fitted sheet

It comes all square and cute in the package from Bed, Bath & Beyond, but once you get it out, it’s subject to a life of uncoordinated, jellyfish-like floppiness as you try to fold it for the shelf in your linen closet.

Oh wait, there is a way.


Trying to open clamshell pills when you’re sick and weak

Ever been deathly ill, used all of your energy to get to the bathroom, and opened your medicine cabinet to find NyQuil LiquiCaps in an impossibly stiff, hermetically sealed, hard plastic clamshell package? And using all of your flu-weakened grip strength, you nearly give yourself a stroke trying to open it? Come on, Vick’s.

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