Stories

Last night, after a full day in Ashburn, Virginia, catching up with old friends, I left my friend Corky’s house to head home in my new white Volkswagen GTI. My old friend Matt was in the passenger’s seat. (more…)

Once you get past the grossness of your parents doing it, the story of your own conception and birth can be pretty interesting. At least it was to me. What follows is the story of my beginning, with most of the details from my mother. (more…)

I love science and have always thought I could have been a pretty good doctor—except for one thing: the sight of blood makes me instantly nauseous and faint. (more…)

One day, I noticed that bananas were disappearing from my desk at work. I would often buy them for lunch and sometimes not eat them, leaving them on my desk to have for breakfast the next morning. But when I came back in the morning, the banana would usually be gone. Had I lost my mind? Were my coworkers eating them? Stealing them as a joke? Was the nighttime cleanup crew tossing them? I didn’t make a big deal out of it—after all, they were just bananas. (more…)

It was 11:30 AM on a Sunday, and I was at my friend’s condo. I was a little groggy, having spent the night before drinking hard. I desperately needed to pee, but the restroom was occupied, and I couldn’t find one in the condo lobby. So, I decided to take a quick whiz outside on my way to the car. (more…)